Someday, there may be a vaccine against COVID-19. But there will never be a vaccine that will afford you immunity against bad relationships (I’ve spent years in the lab trying to concoct one).
Immunity from toxic relationships can only be achieved by recognizing common traps, and by identifying the machiavellian tactics that toxic people employ.
If you’re currently in a toxic relationship, you are probably wondering, how did this happen? I’m a smart, independent person. I should’ve known better.
Oh honey, you were deceived. Although it may have started under the pretence of heaven, it led you into a deep, dark hell. But do not fret—
Crazy relationships are like the chicken pox virus: if it happens once, and if you learn from it, it usually never happens again.Tweet
If your lover displays any of the following signs, or does the following things: scram, boys and girls. Ladies, if you catch a glimpse of any of these signs, ditch those stilettos and run far, far away. Pack your stuff and get out. Flee the scene. Disappear. Put your apartment on Air B&B and relocate to Costa Rica (or somewhere not listed on your public Pinterest board).
5 Dating Dealbreakers you CANNOT Ignore
1. You’re perfect.
One of the biggest red flags in dating is that of idealization. It’s not that they are lying: they truly believe you are perfect. They see no flaws in your physical appearance, your character, your dreams or aspirations.
You are everything they hoped their partner would be and more. You are a divine, special, unicorn of a person (impossibly cringeworthy, but “unicorn” best encapsulates the animating spirit behind it). They do not perceive you as a human being—you are some angelic, never-killed-a-spider runway model.
That is, until you’re not anymore. Over time, their rose-coloured vision will fade, and they will start to be disillusioned with your humanness. They will begin to criticize everything. Nothing will be enough for them.
2. Woe is me
Narcissists and sociopaths prey on empaths. And what quality distinguishes an empath from the crowd? A bottomless well of empathy for others.
If this person is bad news, they will likely reveal a complex, traumatic past that they have heroically overcome—all within the initial stages of dating.
By gaining your sympathy and amazement, they gauge how naive and innocent you are for future exploitation.
3. My ex was crazy
Nothing is quite as disturbing as someone who purports that all of their exes were crazy. No ripple in the relationship was due to a stone they had thrown; it was always due to some emotional upheaval in their unstable partner.
But it’s not that they have had marvellously bad luck in relationships—instead, they probably used a creative concoction of gaslighting, manipulation, cheating and lying in their relationships, using the convenient stamp of “crazy ex” to cover their tracks.
Rest assured: history is the best predictor of the future, and if they have a trail of drama behind them, a trail of drama lies ahead of them.Tweet
4. I’ll show them
Oh, dear, sweet narcissist. Nobody cares like you think they do. But alas, they will strive to show everyone just how great they are, to strengthen the husk surrounding their empty and insecure core.
A narcissist is always under the illusion of the spotlight effect—they constantly perceive that all eyes are on them. They typically have carefully curated social media accounts and grandiose plans to garner more attention.
They live for validation, and strive to prove themselves at every turn. Their fragile egos cannot handle the terror of perceived inadequacy.
5. It’s us against the world
Run! Run run run run!
The narcissist is innately distrustful of others. They cannot feel that the world is a supportive, connected place. For them, life is oozing with cheats, liars, and competitors. But, they seem to forget the axiom of all axioms: our view of the world is an admission of our own character.Tweet
To the narcissist, telling you “it’s us against the world” is the ultimate compliment—who wouldn’t want to be in permanent cahoots with them, conspiring to conquer the world?
They will try to draw a line in the sand between your relationship and the “rest of the world”.
But remember: there is a fine line between being half of a dynamic duo, and being the hostage of a narcissist.
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? Let us know in the comments!
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